Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Unending questions, no answers in sight.

I turned 25 on Saturday. My wonderful family had a party for me, complete with not one, but two cakes. I was able to think and feel, if only for a couple of hours, that things were normal again. So despite what has probably been one of the worst weeks of my life, I had an ok day. Now, on with the whining...

Is it true that in relationships there is always some level of dishonesty?

Not telling how much money was actually spent on occasion. Saying their dinner was good when in actuality, you had to choke it down. Saying they look nice in an outfit when really, you think its just not their color.

Does everyone make these 'white lies' for the benefit of their spouse, to keep from hurting them or avoiding a fight?

Am I a complete fool for holding steadfast to traits that others find a rarity in their relationships? I'm in no way saying that all relationships lack honesty and loyalty. Just from observing the relationships around me -including the other side of mine- I worry that they might be aspects of a partnership that have lowered in importance.

I don't always do or say the right things, I'm by no means innocent where the problems in my life are concerned. I just want to know if the relationship I thought I had is actually one possible of existing...

Have you ever lied to your spouse? Rationalized it your head as being ok because what you hide would just hurt them unnecessarily? Have you ever found out your spouse was lying to you and thought it would have been better not to know? Wished things could just go back the way they were?

In my opinion, you can't fix something if you don't know its a problem. And as I have learned lately, I would rather be in the know and deal with the hurt than go about life blissfully unaware of the impending broken heart.

So am I stupid for still wanting to make it work? I have personally seen couples get through cheating and abuse, so why can I not work for something so less complicated? No decisions have been made. Unending questions, no answers in sight. 

261 weeks
1828 days
43,872 hours
2,632,320 minutes
157,939,200 seconds
5 years and 2 days of love and now my relationship hovers in limbo...

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