I had a really difficult time this Christmas. It's hard to battle depression on any day, but particularly so during the holidays. At least I felt so.
Money is tight right now. I'm trying to keep my, and my boyfriends heads afloat with my meager wages. It's not working out so well. The economy is bad and he cant even seem to get a job at McDonalds. My stress level is so high I wonder why I haven't had an epic melt down yet.
Anyway, so this year, as much as I rejected the idea, we agreed not to do Christmas. Not one gift was given or received and I hated it. Giving presents is one of my favorite parts of the holidays. (cue 2 year old pouty face) It's also fun being asked, "what did you get for Christmas?" and having to answer, " uh, nothing." Instead, we pulled enough money together to help pay for Christmas Eve dinner with the family.
Christmas with my family was wonderful. We had a great dinner, managing to keep with the tradition of prime rib and baked potatoes, despite everyone's money woes. The kids opened gifts and we laughed and had a great time. I even got to sit and eat dinner with my ailing Papa. I couldn't have asked for a better time amiss all the stress.
But still, several times during the night I found myself spacing out. Thinking of the past and stressing about the future.
Is it bad that I still mourn my Granny, two years lost? Christmas with her was always my favorite. She was so festive and happy, decorating and making fudge and divinity. Her decorations are all over my family's home, making me miss her more. Making me wonder why it seems I'm the only one still sad. That's not fair, I know I'm not the only one still sad, I just seem to take longer getting over things.
Anyway, I know I haven't written here in a while. Sadly, my muse has been evading me for the last year and a half. I wonder if I'll ever find where she ran off to. However, I am glad that if nothing else, I can keep with my own little bit of tradition: Whining on my blog..