Me month has been enlightening. I’ve had good days and bad days. Days where I haven't thought about the past at all and then days where I feel choked by it. Days where I could care less and then days where I'm just so mad at being treated like a meaningless blimp in life, that I see red.
I've spent time with new friends and built on existing relationships. I've been getting out all my pent up energy at the gym and trying to find a reason to be grateful everyday. When I am sad I try to find things to perk me up instead of allowing myself be miserable.
In venturing me I've had some amazing and surprising experiences and found I don't have a single regret. Writing is going well. The short story I had started has morphed into a novella and I have high hopes for it. Also, I'm extremely thankful to have someone to edit that isn't doing it out of, what I feel, is obligation.
The tattoo is a work in progress but I have chosen something that represents me at this point in my life. The original tattoo I will still probably get, but it will be because I want it and not as a reminder of what I failed in. What I was denied.
All in all, I'm happier everyday. Do I still miss my best friend? More than anyone will ever know. Does it sting that I am not missed as well? You have no idea. But right now she has to make her own decisions and all I can do is project positive thoughts and hope for her happiness in the paths she chooses.
Now, I'm going to continue to put one foot in front of the other and try for a genuine smile everyday...