Monday, March 14, 2011


I finally got a chance to go buy a book I've been wanting to read. Hidden Away by Maya Banks, I adore her writing. I've had it by my bed for over a week, but I just haven't been able to get past the first page. Of course I got the book the day I found out.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this book or the other two in the series. I enjoy reading no matter what type of book it its-however I prefer Romance. So today I'm staring at the book, it's not long and intimidating. It doesn’t have an ominous, unwelcoming cover. So why don't I want to read it?

Why would I want to read about people finding true and undying love when I've just lost mine? That has to be the problem right? Seriously, I need to just get on with my life. Sure its only been a couple of days, but I'm just so tired of being... tired.

 As a family member of mine recently said, "if five years was so easily dismissed, maybe it was for the better." So, no more crying, no more fighting for someone who isn’t willing to fight as well. Just, no more.

Well, that was the plan until my phone alerted me I had a text. My once best friend now sends me a message saying she wants things to be ok with us. Dinner and a movie she asks and I immediately start bawling like a pathetic baby.

Does anyone know how bad I would love to go? to feel like my life is back to normal for even a small amount of time? I miss your friendship, the easy family we had all settled into. But will I be able to be around her knowing she took my life from me? No. So I say "thank you but, no" and go about packing.

Because what it all boils down to is, I feel betrayed and used. I feel she used our friendship to find ways to take my Love from me, to mold herself into the perfect girlfriend. And like my family said, it was obviously a dismissible relationship or else my Love would not have been persuaded so easily.

Through this dark, lonely time in my life one friendship has prevailed. One person has stuck behind me and that is who I will be spending my time with. (Thank you so much) Trying to find the me that is truly... me. I will never again allow myself to be that open with someone. I will play my cards closer to my chest and work harder on my poker face.

I will NEVER become so completely engrossed in another human being that they have the ability to utterly devastate me in the end.

So I sit here, with my book open, on page twenty so far. I will move on and I will be happy again, I just need time. A lot longer than a couple of days, thats for sure...

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