Ok, so this is going to be a 180 from my last post, but I've just had the shit shocked out of me and I need to vent. I apologize ahead of time.
So, I'm sure we have all had situations where we thought one thing, only to find out the exact opposite. Case in point, hearing the person you love more than anything tell you their unsure about your relationship. And why? Well, thats the best part, because they have feelings for someone else.
Oh, its confusing and painful and you know that this world you two have created hasn't always been roses. But seriously, you feel like nothing could be worse then them doubting your love.
Ha! You can be so wrong!
So, remember when I said life would be dim without people you love around you, sharing in your happiness?
I never thought I would second guess something I have always believed in, but I have learned my lesson. Boy, have I ever!
Because if you get close to someone, you open yourself up to being hurt. I know, I just stated the very obvious. But in my case I'm not talking about being hurt by a significant other, I'm talking about a friend. Someone you thought was one of your best friends.
That's right folks, the thing that you see happen to others or in shows, but never think it could happen to you.
So now, my five year relationship is in limbo until they decide how they feel. And in the meanwhile a previously happy home is now a prison because I won't feel comfortable coming out of my room. Although, with the whole writing thing, I've been un-fun and un-social anyway. It's not like I'll be missed too much.
And while I'm wallowing in self pity, I feel the a complete fool, the butt of the joke. Don't understand why I say that? I was the LAST to know. I had no idea what was going on, I was completely blind and last night I even rambled on about how thankful I was for my Love, and how looking forward to the future I was.
My heart aches, the laughing echoing in my head, I'm mocking myself. I should have seen it. The guilt gifts, the late talks, the "it's ok if you are to tired, I'll just hand out with her" crap.
Arrg, I feel so stupid and betrayed. And to think I was looking at commitment rings.
Ha! Happy anniversary indeed...