Thursday, July 21, 2011


Life changed. Self lost. She walks to find her.

She misses feeling complete. She's tired of fighting, tired of being sad. Ready to give in, give up the life she had.

Gloomy gray clouds gather and rain starts to pour. Still she walks. The wind whistles and whips, drying the perspiration on her skin.

The sun fails to shine, inside as well as out.

Walking helps her think. Helps her put life into prospective with every additional step on the hard pebbled earth. The mile track twists and turns as the dark clouds move above her. The world seems to mirror her inner turmoil. 

Tears streak down her cheeks, salt mixing with rain water. She's out of breath. Out of sorts.

The sirens aren't loud enough to take her attention away from the taunting in her head. All her focus remains on the fact that she was not enough. Will never be good enough. 

She thought she'd risen above, triumphed over the pain. But her fear and sorrow have swallowed the best of her. 

She now fights with herself. Afraid to go back to that dark place. The place where a sharp knife or full pill bottle whisper tales of a painless and loving world. A world the coward in her aches to be a part of. She knows it's a battle she just might lose

The wind kicks up and knocks her off balance, it is a feeling she knows all too well. She takes a step in direction again, only to be stopped by the sound of shattering glass. 

She eases her mind from selfish thoughts, only to scramble for a feeling other than panic as reality sets in. 

The vibrating sky is only outdone by the roar of a beast on the ground. No time to run or hide, she darts for the the nearest workout station. Latching on to the metal, she prays it is rooted far enough in the ground. 

Debris is hurled at her, wood and metal hit the ground like bombs. She forgets what the building is supposed to look like as it is deformed and battered. Half of the glory it used to be. 

The roar is defening. Cars fly through the air. Trees are ripped at the root. Life in every measure is destroyed as she barely clings to her own. Her body is weary, heavy is her heart. Hands and thighs grip metal with a bruising strength. 

Rain slick fingers slide off one by one. She grabs blindly at nothing as her arms are swept behind her. Levered in the air, half anchored to the ground, she closes her eyes to the destruction, to the sickening knowledge that she will not get to say goodbye. 

Suddenly, a calm comes over her. Phantom arms wrap her in warmth, fill her with the love she has longed for these last few months.

She drowns in memories shared. Pictures flash like a viewfinder on her closed eyelids. Finally, she is at peace.

The last of her strength fails as the metal between her legs bends and groans. With one final thought of her Love, she is swept into the vortex, happiness filling her heart.  

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