5 steroid infusions. 3 different blood tests. 9 total blown vains. 14 bruises. 3 MRIs. 1 EEG. 1 spinal tap.
So far the diagnose is M.S. I have a vitamin D, vitamin B12, and a potassium deficiency. And new news as of today, spinal stenosis.
Officially. I'm falling apart. My world is falling apart. I'm weak and sore. I feel battered, bruised, poked at, and beat down. And had the humbling experience of not being able to shower by myself tonight. Can't say I've ever felt this truly miserable in my life.
And again, I feel like an asshole for complaining. Because it could be so much worse. People have it so much worse then I do.
I think he's getting tired of me apologizing. I just feel so bad that he has to cart me around. Help me out of the car and sometimes out of bed. I'm just so worried he's going to decide I'm not worth all this trouble. It's only going to get worse.
The thought is utterly terrifying. I've had it happen before. Been deemed not good enough and had to rebuild myself and my life from scratch. I just don't think I could do it again. Not that I think he's really going to leave, I'm just worried. Scared of the possibility. Cause really, I would blame him.
Maybe this is just my way of focusing on something other then my health. Projecting maybe.
I don't know. I just feel so hopeless..
